The Konformist

KON4M 99
July 1999

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Why JFK, Jr. Isn't the Victim of a Conspiracy

Robert Sterling

Whenever big events happen in the news, I am usually bombarded with emails from people detailing conspiracy theories hidden within the headlines.

The apparent plane crash of John F. Kennedy, Jr. is one such event, and indeed, there are some quite persuasive coincidences that suggest something is up, as planned operations often are done on special days to note symbolic significance. To begin with, the crash coincides exactly with the third anniversary of the downing of TWA 800, which happened in almost the identical area. Furthermore, it comes on the eve of the 30th anniversary of Chappaquiddick, the scandalous car accident that killed Mary Jo Kopechne and destroyed the political career of the final Kennedy brother. The Coast Guard has launched a search of the area around Martha's Vineyard (regular hangout of the Klinton's) and Montauk (the reputed center of bizarre hi-tech experiments, including the infamous Philadelphia Experiment.)

Hmmm...

Among the best theories put out is one by "Ru Mills", claiming John-John was murdered for his alleged plan to run against Hillary in the New York 2000 Senate race, either as a Democrat or as an independent third party candidate. Such a run would be quite damaging to the Lady Macbeth in the White House. Others have suggested this to be the final fulfillment of Nostradamus' dire warning of a grim ending for the Kennedy family. Considering it was only a year and a half ago Michael Kennedy, son of the late RFK, died in a "skiing accident" in Aspen (similar to the one that would soon after kill Sonny Bono), the curse of the Kennedy Klan may not be over, at least as elites out to get them are concerned.

Having said this, let me be perfectly honest with you all: I don't think there's any conspiracy behind this plane crash whatsoever.

Rest assured, it'd be nice to think there was one here, and I certainly won't suppress evidence suggesting it was. Sadly, however, I am too compelled by one simple fact that just can't be ignored:

John F. Kennedy, Jr. was a pea-brained moron.

John-John: as dumb as he looks.

I admit such a statement at this time is perhaps in poor taste, and I was tempted to keep my big fat mouth shut for once. But then I remembered the fall of 1997, having become sickened by the constant and annoying tributes to the supposed humanitarian Mother Teresa, I finally had enough, and before her corpse had even begun to rot, wrote a vicious attack on her titled "The Mother Was A Mother." (Since then, I have received numerous emails promising I have earned reserved seating in Hell for this single act.) I suppose if my malicious nature was strong enough to hack at that phony-ass bitch, I can remind you all what a dumbass John-John was, no matter how unpopular that may be.

Let's not kid ourselves, folks: JFK, Jr. was stupid as shit, there's no getting around it. He brings to mind the words of Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson (while unfairly describing Terry Bradshaw as "dumb," the week before the Steeler quarterback burned the Cowboy defense for 4 touchdowns in Superbowl XIII), who boasted that Bradshaw couldn't spell "cat" if you spotted him the "c" and the "a". Had John-John continued in his father's path, he would've undoubtedly lived up to the hype of being (in my words) "the Democratic Party's answer to Dan Quayle."

As it turns out, a career in politics may have been already out of the question for the dim-witted pretty boy. He had already risen to his level of certifiable incompetence by being the Editor-in-Chief of the atrocious George Magazine. The best description of the lame "political" magazine comes from Jonathan Vankin and John Whalen of Conspire.com, who described it as a "political magazine for people who don't understand politics -- the New Republic for the Entertainment Tonight generation," while deriding George's "unrelenting effort to strip any and all discussion of political issues from its coverage of politics, rendering the entire democratic process a superficial joke."

The reason Vankin and Whalen had chosen to write such a deserved hack on George is that in July 1998 (a little over a year ago), Vankin had been hired by them to write a profile on the top conspiracy writers in the world, for, of all things, George Magazine's "Conspiracy" issue (please hold in laughter.) Among the nine writers Vankin chose to profile was none other than yours truly. In late July, a tanned, toned Robert Sterling was even chosen to have a special photo profile done for the issue, during which I was coaxed into lounging in and around my apartment complex pool in a swimsuit. Despite the immense time Vankin put into the piece, the article was killed, perhaps because John-John was frightened at the prospect of having some guy better looking than him promoted in his own mag. (In any case, despite repeated attempts, George has yet to send me copies of the photos as they have promised.)

To make matters even worse, in the same "Conspiracy" issue, George did a fawning piece on 60 Minutes and its crew of decrepit establishment suckups. (This despite the fact that 60 Minutes is more a part of the conspiracy rather than an exposer of it.) Further, one year before the "Conspiracy" issue, George ran a cheery celebration of the CIA on its 50th anniversary, which means JFK, Jr. was nicer to the guys who killed his daddy than he was to me.

Like I said, the guy was an idiot.

Not that I'm bitter about the fact that the plug was pulled on what could've been the best publicity coup yet for The Konformist, but as far as I'm concerned, JFK, Jr. can go fuck himself. Even if there was a conspiracy behind his death (and there wasn't), I think it'd be more worthwhile to follow a truly interesting underground rumor: that cinematic genius Stanley Kubrick was actually murdered, in revenge for revealing elitist sexual shenanigans in Eyes Wide Shut. After all, any conspiracy theory that encourages people to watch more Kubrick films is one worth promoting, whether it be true or not.

But not one promoting unnecessary anguish at the supposed great loss of JFK, Jr. His attempts at faking intelligence were about as unconvincing as Ricky Martin trying to pretend he's heterosexual. The man had no business running a magazine (as its pathetic performance only proved), had no business even contemplating a political career, and apparently had no business flying airplanes either. As usual, John-John appears to have been in WAY over his head. JFK, Jr. is very likely dead, and soon, George Magazine, already struggling, will suffer the same deserved fate. I for one won't miss it a bit.

To read the killed George article on the top conspiracy writers:

http://www.conspire.com/george.html

As it turns out, all but Doug Moench and Bryce Zabel have had their works in The Konformist, and Mr. Moench and Mr. Zabel are most certainly welcome.

Robert Sterling ( robalini@aol.com ) is the editor of The Konformist, the world's most popular underground magazine dedicated to rebellion, konspiracy & subversion. It can be viewed at:

http://www.konformist.com

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