Has anybody noticed that the Republican ticket is made up of a man named Bush and a man named Dick?
(Editor's Note: In what is the first of many files to be placed on this site in honor of the release of Apocalypse Culture II, we present to you the more lurid tales involving Dick Cheney.)
For those who have received Doctorates in Conspiracy Theory, the name Dick Cheney (George W. Bush's pick for Vice-President) brings up the humorous image presented in Cathy O'Brien's notorious "non-fiction" tale, Trance Formation of America. In her auto-biography, Cathy describes her supposed victimization during her years as a CIA sex slave. One of her more vivid tales is her abuse by Mr. Cheney, who apparently goes by the name "Dick" thanks to his overly large penis. Cathy describes Most Dangerous Game inspired human hunts turned sex romps involving Cheney and sex slaves, including herself.
Later on, George Bush, strung out on heroin, tries to convert Cheney to pedophilia on Cathy's daughter, Kelly. However, "Upon seeing Cheney's unusually large penis, Kelly reeled back in horror."
More of these juicy details, of course, will be revealed in my essay "Uncle Ronnie's Sex Slaves," for Apocalypse Culture II, about the CIA sex slave literature phenomenon.
Perhaps a more important parapolitical link of Cheney's: he was vice chairman of the House committee that supposedly was investigating Iran-Contra, yet couldn't find any evidence linking the CIA and Contras to cocaine profits. He was also, until he became G.W.'s pick for VP, CEO of energy services giant Halliburton. It had nearly $15 billion in revenue last year, making it larger than McDonalds. In 1998, it was the largest employer in the state of Texas. Last year, Halliburton slashed over 10,000 jobs from its payroll, citing economic pains. That same year, Cheney earned $26.4 million in pay, stock and stock options.
Cheney is also a corporate director of such giant companies as Procter & Gamble, TRW, EDS, US West, Union Pacific and Lockheed Martin, the world's largest defense contractor. His wife, the rabidly reactionary Lynne Cheney, earned $300K as a board director on many of the same firms.
All of which suggests that, if elected VP, Cheney will do all he can to the American people what Ms. O'Brien claims was done to her.
Kirby The Konspiracy Boy Says, "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!"