http://time-blog.com/nerd_world/2008/04/swartzwelder_the_great.html April 12, 2008 1:22 Swartzwelder The Great Posted by Matt Selman In the Simpsons rewrite room, the biggest compliment you can give to a joke is to call it "Swartzweldian." Meaning, in the style of legendary Simpsons writer John Swartzwelder. Meaning (to me) uniquely dumb and smart at the same time. Meaning, great. John Swartzwelder wrote fifty-nine episodes of The Simpsons, including such classics as "Homer the Great" (the Stonecutter's show) and "Itchy and Scratchyland." But now, Swartzwelder has left television and written five novels. Four novels about a really dumb detective, and one about a really dumb Old West Town. John Swartzwelder is immensely private. He would not want to be blogged about. The only personal fact about him I will share is that he claims to own the first baseball ever made. Swartzwelder self-published his work, so there's no big corporation buying huge ads and shoving his books on reviewers. There is no machine telling the public what they need to know about John Swartzwelder, so I will do my best: John Swartzwelder is one of the greatest comedy minds of all time. He is the comedy writer whose words makes the best comedy writers in the world laugh out loud. And it's about time people found out about it. He's not a wit, or a satirist, or a humorist. These terms are weak, and John is strong. Swartzwelder is a Comedy Writer. He writes funny stories full of great jokes. Line for line, John's books have more great jokes in them than anything else you can read. Or, to quote another underappreciated Simpsons genius, Dan Greaney: "Years ago, I described John Swartzwelder to a reporter from The New York Times as the greatest writer in the English language in any form. Now, having finally made it through one of his novels, I am pleased to say I was right. Swartzwelder combines a nearly double-Borgesian density of imaginative invention with the unpretentious readability of dime novel." John doesn't write to the tastes of the literary world. He writes for himself. He writes about time machines and fist fights and carnies and aliens and gangsters and explosions. If you don't like these things, then head right over to the David Sedaris aisle. Swartzwelder's latest book, Dead Men Scare Me Stupid, just popped up on Amazon. I haven't read it yet, but as soon as I post this, believe you me, I'm a-gonna. So join me in the battle to get this guy the recognition his talent deserves. Let's get John Swartzwelder his own aisle. *** South Park Quote of the Week: "Go Ahead. Prove Mel Gibson Wrong..." From: http://www.southparkstuff.com/season_8/episode_801/epi801script/ Cartman: Okay. Go ahead, Kyle. Throw your nunchakus away. If you can. But you know well that your Jewish blood won't let you. You can't throw away something you paid fifteen bucks for. Go ahead and try. Kyle: Screw you, fatass! [struggles to loosen his grip on the nunchakus] Cartman: Mel Gibson was right, Kyle. Right now the Jew in you is screamig "NO! Those cost money! Get your money back!" You know this to be true. [Kyle continues struggling and begins to grunt] Go ahead. Prove Mel Gibson wrong, Kyle. [closeup of Cartman's lips] Do it! [Kyle struggles even harder, but eventually gives in] *** http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5idO6antAykNkXQ0nat1qlzqlq1gQD8VTLH1O0 Bob Dylan Wins a Pulitzer Prize By HILLEL ITALIE 4-8-8 NEW YORK (AP) — Thanks to Bob Dylan, rock 'n' roll has finally broken through the Pulitzer wall. Dylan, the most acclaimed and influential songwriter of the past half century, who more than anyone brought rock from the streets to the lecture hall, received an honorary Pulitzer Prize on Monday, cited for his "profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power." It was the first time Pulitzer judges, who have long favored classical music, and, more recently, jazz, awarded an art form once dismissed as barbaric, even subversive. "I am in disbelief," Dylan fan and fellow Pulitzer winner Junot Diaz said of Dylan's award. Diaz's "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao," a tragic but humorous story of desire, politics and violence among Dominicans at home and in the United States, won the fiction prize. Diaz, 39, worked for more than a decade on his first novel — "I spent most of the time on dead-ends and doubts," he told The Associated Press on Monday — and at one point included a section about Dylan. "Bob Dylan was a problem for me," Diaz, who has also published a story collection, "Drown," said with a laugh. "I had one part that was 40 pages long, the entire chapter was organized around Bob Dylan's lyrics over a two year-period (1967-69). By the end of it, I wanted to throttle my like of Bob Dylan." The Pulitzer for drama was given to Tracy Letts' "August: Osage County," which, like Diaz's novel, combines comedy and brutality. Letts calls the play "loosely autobiographical," a bruising family battle spanning several generations of unhappiness and unfulfilled dreams. "It's a play I have been working on in my head and on paper for many years now," said Letts, reached by the AP in Chicago at the Steppenwolf Theater Company, where "August: Osage County" had its world premiere last summer. "There were just some details from my grandmother, my grandfather's suicide (for example) that I had played over and over in my head for many, many years. I always thought, `Well, that's the stuff of drama right there.'" Former U.S. poet laureate Robert Hass, already a National Book Award winner for "Time and Materials," won the poetry Pulitzer, as did Philip Schultz's "Failure." "This is the book ... I have always wanted to write," Schultz told the AP. "Everyone is expert on one subject and failure seems to be mine. ... I was born into it. My father went bankrupt when I was 18 and he died soon afterward out of (a) terrible sense of shame. And we lost everything, my mother and I." Other winners Monday: Daniel Walker Howe, for history, for "What Hath God Wrought: The Transformation of America, 1815-1848"; Saul Friedlander, general nonfiction, for "The Years of Extermination: Nazi Germany and the Jews, 1939-1945"; for biography, John Matteson's "Eden's Outcasts: The Story of Louisa May Alcott and Her Father." "I wrote my book in a way that is generally accessible to the curious literate reader," Howe said. "And I think that's very important, and I wish more books were written that way." "It's a special honor because it ties me even more to the country of which I'm now a citizen," said Friedlander, who became a U.S. citizen seven years ago and won the German Booksellers Association's 2007 Peace Prize for his work on documenting the Holocaust. "I am surprised, grateful, overjoyed — and a little embarrassed to do this with my first book," said Matteson, a professor of English at John Jay College in New York City who added that his 14-year-old daughter was an inspiration. "Not only did I understand parenting better after writing the book, but being a parent helped me to write the book." Dylan's victory doesn't mean that the Pulitzers have forgotten classical composers. The competitive prize for music was given to David Lang's "The Little Match Girl Passion," which opened last fall at Carnegie Hall, where Dylan has also performed. "Bob Dylan is the most frequently played artist in my household so the idea that I am honored at the same time as Bob Dylan, that is humbling," Lang told the AP. Long after most of his contemporaries either died, left the business or held on by the ties of nostalgia, Dylan continues to tour almost continuously and release highly regarded CDs, most recently "Modern Times." Fans, critics and academics have obsessed over his lyrics — even digging through his garbage for clues — since the mid-1960s, when such protest anthems as "Blowin' in the Wind" made Dylan a poet and prophet for a rebellious generation. His songs include countless biblical references and he has claimed Chekhov, Walt Whitman and Jack Kerouac as influences. His memoir, "Chronicles, Volume One," received a National Book Critics Circle nomination in 2005 and is widely acknowledged as the rare celebrity book that can be treated as literature. According to publisher Simon & Schuster, Dylan is working on a second volume of memoirs. No release date has been set. AP Drama Writer Michael Kuchwara, Music Writer Nekesa Moody, and Associated Press writers Kiley Armstrong, Douglas J. Rowe and Erin Carlson contributed to this report. *** http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080408/lf_nm_life/reading_survey_dc Bible is America's favorite book: poll Tue Apr 8, 2008 When it comes to literary pursuits in the United States most people agree on at least one thing -- the most popular book is the Bible, according to a new survey. It came in first in a Harris Poll of nearly 2,513 adults but the second choice in the survey was not as clear cut. "While the Bible is number one among each of the different demographic groups, there is a large difference in the number two favorite book," Harris said in a statement announcing the results. Men chose J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings" and women selected Margaret Mitchell's "Gone With the Wind" as their second-favorite book, according to the online poll. But the second choice for 18- to 31-year-olds was J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, while 32- to 43-year-olds named Stephen King's "The Stand" and Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons." Picks for second-favorite book also varied according to region. "Gone With the Wind" was number two in the southern and midwestern United States while easterners chose "The Lord of the Rings" and westerners opted for "The Stand." Whites and Hispanics picked "Gone With the Wind" as their second-favorite book after the Bible, while African-Americans preferred "Angels and Demons." "Finally, they may not agree on candidates, but one thing that brings together partisans is their favorite book. For Republicans, Democrats and Independents, the top two books are the same -- the Bible followed by "Gone With the Wind." Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code," "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee, "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand and "Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger rounded out the top 10 favorites. (Reporting by Julie Mollins; editing by Patricia Reaney) *** http://movies.ign.com/articles/865/865417p1.html Disney, Pixar's Future Flicks Studios dish details on upcoming animated movies. by Brian Linder April 9, 2008 Walt Disney Studios and Pixar Animation Studios have announced their animated film schedule through the year 2012. The studios also dropped the bomb that all future Disney and Pixar films, beginning later this year with the release of Bolt, will be presented in Disney Digital 3-D! 2009 animated slate begins with the May 29th release of Pixar's first 3-D feature, Up, from director Pete Docter (Monsters, Inc.) and co-director Bob Peterson. The story follows Carl Fredricksen, a man who has spent his entire life dreaming of exploring the globe and experiencing life to its fullest. But at age 78, life seems to have passed him by, until a twist of fate (and a persistent 8-year old Wilderness Explorer named Russell) gives him a new lease on life. Up takes audiences on a thrilling journey where the unlikely pair encounter wild terrain, unexpected villains and jungle creatures. A retooled for 3-D version of the original Toy Story opens on October 2, 2009. Christmas '09 will see the release of Disney's animated fairy tale The Princess and the Frog from veteran Disney directors John Musker and Ron Clements. It's a traditionally animated film set in New Orleans, complete with frogs, voodoo, a singing alligator, and songs by Randy Newman. The titular princess, voiced by Anika Noni Rose, will join Disney's popular princess brand. Toy Story 2 in 3-D will be released on February 12, 2010, with the highly-anticipated sequel Toy Story 3 set for a June 18, 2010 debut. Lee Unkrich (co-director of Toy Story 2 and Finding Nemo) directs from a script by Michael Arndt (Little Miss Sunshine). Pixar also confirms that the voice cast from previous flicks of the beloved series will be returning. Christmas 2010 will mark the arrival of Disney's take on the classic fairy tale, Rapunzel, featuring the directing debuts of animation legend Glen Keane and directing partner Dean Wellins. The film will transport audiences to a stunning CG fantasy world complete with the iconic tower, an evil witch, a gallant hero and, of course, the mysterious girl with the long golden tresses. Now for the good stuff! In the summer of 2011, Pixar will release newt. The story tells what happens when the last remaining male and female blue-footed newts on the planet are forced together by science to save the species, and they can't stand each other. Newt and Brooke embark on a perilous, unpredictable adventure and discover that finding a mate never goes as planned, even when you only have one choice. Love, it turns out, is not a science. Oscar-winning sound designer Gary Rydstrom (Lifted) is making his feature directing debut with the project. Christmas 2011 brings Pixar's first fairy tale, The Bear and the Bow, from acclaimed filmmaker/writer Brenda Chapman (The Prince of Egypt). Set in a rugged and mythic Scotland, this action-adventure centers on the impetuous, tangle-haired Merida. Though a daughter of royalty, she would prefer to make her mark as a great archer. A clash of wills with her mother compels Merida to make a reckless choice, which unleashes unintended peril on her father's kingdom and her mother's life. Merida struggles with the unpredictable forces of nature, magic and a dark, ancient curse to set things right. The voices of Reese Witherspoon, Billy Connolly, and Emma Thompson will be featured. Summer 2012 will see the return of Lightening McQueen and Mater in Cars 2. This time they'll need their passports as they find themselves in a new world of intrigue, thrills and fast-paced comedic escapades around the globe. Cars 2 is being directed by Brad Lewis, producer of Ratatouille. Finally, scheduled for Christmas 2012 from Walt Disney Animation Studios comes King of the Elves, an adaptation of the Philip K. Dick short story (his only fantasy story), directed by Aaron Blaise and Robert Walker (Brother Bear). The story follows an average man living in the Mississippi Delta, whose reluctant actions to help a desperate band of elves leads them to name him their new king. Joining the innocent and endangered elves as they attempt to escape from an evil and menacing troll, their unlikely new leader finds himself caught on a journey filled with unimaginable dangers and a chance to bring real meaning back to his own life. It's a truly impressive slate of projects that even had Chief Creative Officer John Lasseter gushing. "This is an amazing time for animation at Disney and Pixar, and it's a thrill to be working on such a diverse and original group of films with such an all-star team of filmmakers," he said. "The thing I love best about my job is that I get to work at both Disney and Pixar with filmmakers who are passionate about their projects and who are the absolute best in the business. We're excited to be pushing the boundaries of 3-D and computer technology to tell our stories in the best possible way. At the same time, we're drawing on our past to emphasize memorable characters, original edge-of-your-seat stories, and believable worlds. Walt Disney and his creative team taught us how to blend comedy, powerful emotion, and action-filled excitement in our films, and this group of incredible filmmakers is bringing their own originality and sensibilities to the process." Notably absent from the announced slate is any hint of Pixar's planned adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars. We'll be tracking all of these cool animated projects through development to release and will have more news here on IGN as it breaks. *** http://www.usatoday.com/travel/destinations/2008-04-07-cbgb-fashion-boutique_N.htm N.Y. fashion boutique opens in former CBGB space NEW YORK (AP) — Punk is dead — how about a $1,600 leather jacket instead? The walls are still black and some aging graffiti remains, but the once dank Bowery home of defunct rock club CBGB has gone upscale. Fashion designer John Varvatos' menswear boutique is to open Monday in the same spot where bands like the Ramones and Blondie helped spark a punk rebellion. The store echoes its past, but with a price tag to mirror the times. CITY GUIDE: Shopping and more in New York Flyers from the 1970s are preserved behind glass on one wall, and the stage has been replaced by a tailoring shop encased with gold Alice Cooper records. "I wanted to combine music, fashion, memorabilia and really make it like a cultural space," Varvatos told The New York Post in Monday editions. But the infamously rank bathrooms of the dank club are gone and the floor where frenzied crowds moshed to bands like Television and Talking Heads is now lined with clothing racks. Some knit T-shirts retail for $130 each. Varvatos, a designer who has worked for Converse and Calvin Klein, is said to be an avid fan of bands such as Led Zeppelin and The New York Dolls. He promised emerging artists will be welcomed there, and said he will host a fundraiser for young musicians next month. Robert Hollander, an East Village resident and activist, said the transformation of CBGB into an upscale boutique is a symptom of pervasive commercialism in what was once a gritty, browbeaten neighborhood. "It's kind of ironic because they've made this gesture to preserve a little bit of history but the reason CBGBs is gone is because places like this have opened up in the neighborhood," Hollander told amNew York in Monday editions. CBGB closed in October 2006 after the owner, Hilly Kristal, lost a rent fight against the building's landlord. Kristal died in August. His son, Dana Kristal, told amNew York that he appreciated Varvatos' attempt to preserve the CBGB legacy, but said most of the original club had been gutted. "Maybe he thinks it's neat and he cares," Kristal said. *** Robalini's Note: Move over Michael Bay & Uwe Boll, Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer are the new names in bad filmmaking... http://www.avclub.com/content/hater/now_thats_what_i_call_movie_vol__0 Now That's What I Call Movie, Vol. 1 Cast Of References Finally Announced April 3rd, 2008 For months now, Epic Movie and Meet The Spartans co-referencers Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer have kept all of Hollywood on pins and needles, anxiously awaiting the pair's annual spoof movie casting announcement, or, as it's known in industry circles, The Yuk-Yuk Hilari-eference List. Which pop cultural notables will catch Friedberg and Seltzer's mercilessly referencing eye? Whom will they knock down a peg through simple, pointless impersonation? Whose mere presence will take the place of a joke? (I mean, Jessica Simpson's, obviously. But who else's?) Well, after reading this article, it's clear that Friedberg and Seltzer's current Yuk-Yuk Hilari-eference List is proof that they have their fingers firmly on the pulse of pop culture's cold, dead, steadily bloating corpse. Will Smith’s forthcoming superhero jaunt “Hancock” is going to be spoofed, the “Sex and the City” movie (they’re looking for a guy – yes! A guy! – to play Carrie!) will too, and Mike Myers’s upcoming “The Love Guru” is even getting a ribbing. Aside from the above characters, Friedberg and Seltzer are currently on the lookout for a ‘Jessica Simpson’, a ‘Justin Timberlake’, a ‘Prince’, a ‘Flava Flav’, a ‘Dr Phil’, a ‘Angelina Jolie’, ‘Paris Hilton’, and, of course, a ‘Michael Jackson’. What, no Olsen twins? They would make a great reference/joke. Apparently, the movie, called Goodie Two Shoes, will be tenuously held together under the guise of a Superbad spoof, which begs the question: How will Friedberg & Seltzer maximize the references? In Meet The Spartans, they could simply throw celebrity impersonators into the pit: Hilarity achieved. But Superbad lacks a giant hole in the middle of the ground. If I were fart-writing this movie--which, let's face it, would never happen: fart-writing is such a boys' club--I would have Goodie Two Shoes take place at a giant house party. Fake McLovin and his date (maybe Fake Jessica Simpson) would be looking for a room in the house to have sex in, and the entirety of the movie (all 70 terrible minutes of it) would be the pair opening door after door to reveal pop culture reference coupling, after pop culture reference coupling. And, of course, for the big finale, Fake McLovin and Fake Jessica Simpson would open the attic door to reveal Fake Juno giving birth on the back of Fake Christian Siriano (while he shouts, "So not fierce!") to Fake Flava Flav, who would then be promptly adopted by Fake Angelina Jolie. The End. *** http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080411/D8VVUAHG0.html Keys Talks About Her Conspiracy Theories Apr 11, 2008 NEW YORK (AP) - There's another side to Alicia Keys: conspiracy theorist. The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter tells Blender magazine: "'Gangsta rap' was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. 'Gangsta rap' didn't exist." Keys, 27, said she's read several Black Panther autobiographies and wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck "to symbolize strength, power and killing 'em dead," according to an interview in the magazine's May issue, on newsstands Tuesday. Another of her theories: That the bicoastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled "by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing." Keys' AK-47 jewelry came as a surprise to her mother, who is quoted as telling Blender: "She wears what? That doesn't sound like Alicia." Keys' publicist, Theola Borden, said Keys was on vacation and unavailable for comment. Though she's known for her romantic tunes, she told Blender that she wants to write more political songs. If black leaders such as the late Black Panther Huey Newton "had the outlets our musicians have today, it'd be global. I have to figure out a way to do it myself," she said. The multiplatinum songstress behind the hits "Fallin'" and "No One" most recently had success with her latest CD, "As I Am," which sold millions. --- On the Net: Blender: http://www.blender.com/ Alicia Keys: http://www.aliciakeys.com/