The Konformist

August 2001

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Beast of the Month - August 2001

Richard "Donkey Dick" Cheney, vice "president" and Shrub Energy Policy Czar

"I yam an anti-Christ..."

John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) of The Sex Pistols, "Anarchy in the UK"

"Big time."

Donkey Dick, responding to Shrub's whine that a N.Y. Times reporter was a "major league asshole" during their failed presidential campaign


In late June, Dick Cheney (The Konformist Beast of the Month) disclosed he had been experiencing irregular heart rhythms and checked into a hospital, which lead to the implant of a pacemaker. The continuing health problems of a man who is a heartbeat away from the "presidency" is disturbing and surprising: disturbing, because this is the third hospitalization due to his faulty ticker since last year's swindled election, and surprising, since, based on all his actions in that time period, there are serious doubts as to if Cheney really has a heart in the first place.

In much of the conspiracy underground, Cheney is notorious for the image presented in Cathy O'Brien's Trance Formation of America. In her autobiography, O'Brien describes her alleged victimization by high-ranking Satanists as a CIA sex slave. One of her more vivid tales is her abuse by Cheney, who apparently goes by the name "Dick" thanks to his overly large penis. Cathy describes Most Dangerous Game inspired human hunts turned sex romps involving Cheney and sex slaves, including herself. (Later on, George Bush Senior, strung out on heroin, tries to convert Cheney to pedophilia on Cathy's daughter, Kelly. However, "Upon seeing Cheney's unusually large penis, Kelly reeled back in horror.") The reliability of O'Brien's book is, needless to say, a major point of debate and interest in the conspiracy culture. For what it's worth, scandal-ridden Gary Condit met with Cheney on May 1 (an occult holiday) in a time that coincides with the last known computer activity of Chandra Levy. Is there a connection here? Well, with his vicious, prick-like behavior since stealing the presidency has made it clear, ANYTHING is possible with Cheney.

In any case, O'Brien aside, his current behavior shouldn't really be a surprise: his resume shows a career of swinehood that should have made this easy to predict. He is (sitting with his wife, the rabidly reactionary talking head Lynne Cheney) the emperor behind the throne. As Shrub is an evil moron, Cheney is the evil genius of the bushMob, the man pulling the strings behind the smirking puppet posing as chief of state.

Cheney certainly is sharp, and was chosen as President Gerald Ford's chief of staff at the young age of 34 because of his brains. He would then serve over a decade as an ultra-right Congressman from Wyoming, and during this time period his first truly notable act of Beasthood was committed: he was vice-chairman of the committee that investigated the Iran-Contra scandal. According to The Consortium, "A senior committee source said one of Cheney's top priorities was to block Democrats from deposing Vice President Bush about his Iran-contra knowledge... The limited investigation also gave little attention to other sensitive areas, such as contra-drug trafficking and the public diplomacy operation. They were pared down or tossed out altogether... The watered-down Iran-contra majority report essentially let Vice President Bush off the hook. Bush's political career was saved."

Thanks to Cheney's cover-up of Bush crimes, he was awarded by George I the office of Secretary of Defense (after the previous nominee John Tower - another Bush-CIA cover-up artist - was derailed by scandal.) Despite no military career of his own, Cheney had long been a major chicken hawk, and happily headed the Pentagon during the bloody Persian Gulf Massacre.

For his extensive connections to U.S. government officials (not to mention Middle East leaders thanks to the Gulf slaughter) he was appointed CEO of Halliburton, a Texas energy and construction giant. It had nearly $15 billion in revenue last year, making it larger than McDonalds, and in 1998 it was the largest employer in the state of Texas. In 1999, Halliburton slashed over 10,000 jobs from its payroll, citing economic pains: that same year, Cheney earned $26.4 million in pay, stock and stock options. (A sign of the Shrubonomics that have been in advance since the November 2000 coup.) With incredible brashness, Cheney gloats of his time as a paper pusher at Halliburton as work in "free enterprise." In fact, Halliburton benefited from Cheney-arranged government loan guarantees and juicy Pentagon contracts (one Halliburton subsidiary has received $2 billion since 1995 for support services for U.S. missions abroad.)

After leaving Halliburton for the 2000 campaign, he received a bloated golden parachute goodbye package that totaled more than $30 million as an "early retirement." (Under pressure, Cheney reluctantly divested from the company when it was pointed out he would profit handsomely if oil prices skyrocket.)

This is a pretty sordid record to compete with, yet amazingly, Cheney appears to have gone to perhaps even deeper Beastliness since squatting the White House.

He could barely conceal his contemptuous glee as California (a state that widely and wisely loathed the Shrub-Cheney ticket) fell victim to an energy swindle due to a bogus "deregulation" scheme of the state electricity system. If the White House had simply reinstituted price caps, the "crisis" would've been over immediately: instead, Cheney and the bushMob (who are, of course, heavily tied to Houston-based energy giants which profit handsomely from the swindle) balked, claiming such a move would unfairly hamper a "free market" and deprive the poor oppressed energy oligopoly of it's property rights. Instead, Team Bush offered to charitably ease air pollution regulations on the state's power plants.

(Incredibly, though he showed no sympathy for Californians during the crisis, Cheney, in a sneaky and hypocritical move, pushed - and received on a party line vote - the passing of the VP mansion's power bill to the Navy, a bill estimated to be at over $100,000. This, of course, is the same government-provided mansion used to raise $20 million in a sleazy fundraiser.)

He also could barely conceal his thrill at excessive oil prices that started in early 2000 and then spiraled again this year. With predictable dishonesty, Cheney blamed the crisis on Klinton and the fact that no oil refineries have been built in the US over the last twenty years. Of course, overlooking the fact that twelve of those twenty years Reagan-Bush was at the helm, his empty explanation concealed the real reason no refineries were built: as Tom Tomorrow exposed in his weekly comic series "This Modern World", it wasn't because of "environmental-crazed liberals" but rather economics, as, until recently, the refineries we had weren't even running at full capacity. The better explanation, of course, is that the widespread consolidation of the oil industry approved during Slick Willie's term has led to illegal oligopolistic price-fixing (much like the cause behind the California swindle.) However, since such an explanation damns the policies that Bush-Cheney is pursuing, he didn't offer it.

As with the electricity swindle, the bushMob rejected any government intervention in the alleged market as "big government". However, they also turned down a California request (giving the anti-Dubya state another slap in the face) to waive federal mandates that require the use of corn-derived ethanol in clean-burn fuels. The decision could lead to fuel shortages and even sharper price increases: unless the ethanol industry expands rapidly, shortages could spread across the country. (Curiously, Archer Daniels Midland, a major campaign contributor, produces about 50 per cent of the nation's ethanol, and both Williams Energy Services of Texas and agribusiness giant Cargill produce about 5 percent each.)

Instead, Cheney used the twin manufactured crisis to push for a fascist economic agenda with the "Energy Task Force" he chaired. British journalist Greg Palast described the plan as a "scheme to pay off the president's oil company buddies, fry the planet, and smother Mother Earth in coal ash, petroleum pollutants and nuclear waste." The task force's plan made a short dismissal of alternative energy sources, then focused on promoting oil, gas and nuclear power (sources, coincidentally, which Halliburton is heavily invested in.) Besides the cynical and potentially disastrous push for drilling in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge, Cheney called for a new power plant every week for 20 years, environmental and health concerns be damned. (That's over a thousand, for those counting.)

Perhaps most galling - and proving the shamelessly hypocritical nature of the Bush-Cheney energy policy - was the proposal to give the federal government power to seize private property in order to accelerate the construction of new electrical power lines. Using eminent domain, private property would be confiscated by the federal government and handed to power companies. How such a policy fits in with their self-proclaimed opposition to big government, market interference, and violations of property rights is left unsaid.

The good news to all this is that Cheney, in his arrogance, may have gone too far. The task force held its meeting in secret: now members of Congress and the General Accounting Office are demanding that Cheney release information on the development of the administration's energy policy. It is widely believed (for obvious reasons) that industry officials who contributed big money shaped the Shrub energy policy. If the probe finds evidence of this (which seems pretty apparent) the fallout could mean criminal charges and impeachment of Cheney and others. As California Congressman Henry Waxman put it, "The White House should simply try telling the truth on the task force's activities and stop hiding information that Congress and the public have a right to see. The vice president should tell his office to end this arrogant and unnecessary confrontation with GAO and accept the fact that he and the president are accountable to the Congress and the American people." So far Cheney has rejected the demands, but an Energygate scandal looms in the winds.

Perhaps that is why, despite the greatest efforts of Cheney and Shrub, the energy industry is reeling it in. Electricity prices are down in California, as the criminal combine behind it apparently realized they could gouge outrageously for only so long before the already great public and political backlash fires back. Gas pump prices, after soaring over $2 a gallon in much of the country (and predictions of it even potentially reaching $5 this summer) are back down as well over the threat of investigation. With a backlash against the Shrub administration and its destructive policies and the Senate in the hands of the Democratic Party, it's a new ballgame. No wonder Donkey Dick's heart is going out.

In any case, we salute Donkey Dick Cheney as Beast of the Month. Congratulations, and keep up the great work, Richard!!!




Various Article, The Consortium


Trance Formation of America, Cathy O'Brien


Various Articles, Greg Palast


"Uncle Ronnie's Sex Slaves," Robert Sterling (

From Apocalypse Culture II, Edited by Adam Parfrey

Feral House ( ), 2000


The California Energy Swindle, Robert Sterling (

Disinformation ( )


This Modern World, Tom Tomorrow



The Konformist

Robert Sterling

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Los Angeles, California 90024-0825

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