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K2K2 - NOW MINT-FLAVORED!!!
May 2002
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The Shrub Military-Industrial Police State, American Terrorist Network
"Repeat! Repeat! Repeat!"
The votes are in, and The Konformist readers have spoken. The Shrub Military-Industrial Police State is your choice for the 2002 Beast of the Year - a choice that is well deserved.
He may not have been elected President, but give Shrub and his cronies their due: they have won the highly coveted Beast of the Year trophy in back-to-back years. And when it comes to his repeat victories, there is no issues of hanging chad or illegally purged voters. Last year the Bush Mob won it for swindling an election. This year they have repeated for turning the USA into a frightening overt fascist state, much of it by exploiting the panic of 911.
Of course, Shrub couldn't have pulled it off alone: he's simply not smart enough. That's why, once again, it is a team award, given to all who were part of the sinister attack on American freedoms by an illegally installed government.
When told of the victory while partying on Beast Island (with Beast of the Year host Mark Wahlberg of Temptation Island and Beast Island Security Chief Rudy G) he was, unsurprisingly, smug. He immediately shouted, "In your face!!!" Then pumping his fists in the air, he started chanting, "Repeat!!! Repeat!!! Repeat!!!" As the other eleven contestants exited, he pointed at them and yelled, "Later, losers!"
The biggest surprise of all, however, was how overwhelming the pick of the Shrub Team was: they received over fifty percent of the vote, a gigantic increase over even last year's decisive win. Obviously, as an icon of evil, Shrub is gaining in popularity (at least among Konformist readers.) Can he go for three in a row in 2003? Anything appears possible with this guy. Stay tuned.
Runner-Up:
In the unlikely event that Shrub and co. can no longer fill their duties as Beast of the Year (such as doing something shockingly decent), Richard "Donkey Dick" Cheney is ready to take over the crown. Rest assured the BOTY trophy is in good hands either way, as Dick has been a prime beast in the Bush Mob itself. (Indeed, he has taken his share of The Konformist Beast of the Year the past two years for his involvement in the election swindle and fascist takeover.) His kreepy involvement in the Shrub energy policy (actions which could - and should - lead to a Nixon-esque political scandal) and (unless his faulty ticker should go out) he will no doubt continue in Beastly pursuits over the next twelve months.
The Bronze:
If, on the unlikely event that both the Bush Mob and Donkey Dick can't fill their duties, Antonin Scalia will no doubt do the job well. After all, he's the one who got them where they are to commit mass Beastliness in the first place.
In any case, we salute you all, Shrub Gestapo, Donkey Dick and Antonin. Congratulations, and keep up the great work!!!
Note: What about Osama?
When the Beast of the Year 2002 contest started up, Las Vegas put up an early line as Osama bin Laden as the overwhelming favorite. It was a sucker's bet: not only was he trounced by Shrub for the victory, but he didn't even finish in the top three, and barely finished above Robert Mugabe for fourth place.
This leads to a question: why? How could the man who is officially held responsible for the mass murder of over 3,000 Americans on 911 finish so dismally?
The answer appears to be twofold: one, there is widespread doubt among Konformist readers as to if Osama even had anything to do with 911. Two, even if he did, Osama looks more and more every day as a Phantom Menace, a hired dog for a much more sinister scheme. Osama, then, appears to be (wittingly or not) a Darth Maul to Shrub and his pals as the would be Empire. Thus, the winner, place and show all reflect Konformist readers view of what is the true danger to liberation, which is what the Beast of the Month is all about.
