The Konformist

May 2003

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Beast of the Year 2003

Donald "Redrum" Rumsfeld

The votes are in, and The Konformist readers have spoken. Donald "Redrum" Rumsfeld is your choice for the 2003 Beast of the Year - a choice that is well deserved.

In his victory over runner-up John Ashcroft, Redrum seemed to answer the big debate going on among Konformist readers: just what is the kreepiest thing about the Shrub junta, its contempt for International law and buildup of militant warmongering, or its contempt for basic Constitutional rights and attack on civil liberties? (Indeed, it is because of their involvement in the rising American police state and the rising military death machine that Rummy and Ashcroft shared a piece of the 2002 Beast of the Year prize.) In this case, Konformist readers worldwide chose to vote globally rather than locally: while the assault on American values led by Ashcroft and co. is a dangerous imitation of the Nazi's internal actions in 1930s Germany, the unauthorized attack on Iraqi sovereignty and its people, even when faced with the opposition of fellow imperialist governments Russia, France, Germany and China, reflects an even more disturbing impersonation of the leadup to both World Wars.  The potential downside to Redrum's psychopathic glee (underscored by the joy he shows in saying the word "Kill") is even more devastating than the crusade by Ashcroft and his cohorts to link the word "Patriot" to suppression of dissent.

This year, the Beast of the Year party on Beast Island was hosted by Osama bin Laden (who replaced Mark Wahlberg of Temptation Island, this year a nominee due to his involvement in the Reality Television From Hell fad.) "Silence, you debauched infidels!" Osama declared, apparently still hurting from his embarrassing snub in 2002 for any BOTY medals. At his side was the 2003 Beast Island Security Chief Silvio Berlusconi, who replaced Rudy G for his wonderful treatment of G8 protestors in Italy during July 2001. When the victory was announced, Redrum smiled and took the Beast Trophy, with a grin echoing his joy of torturing Afghanistan and Iraqi soldiers. Rummy gloated, "This is two trophies in a row!" Then, staring at his bosses George Dubya and Donkey Dick (who were there for their involvement in Enrongate, and had previously shared part of the last two prizes for swindling an election and exploiting 9-11 in the worst way possible) he said with a sneer, "I'm going for three a row next year!" With Redrum, anything appears possible, and we suspect even with BOTY solo status he hasn't peaked in his Beastliness. Stay tuned.



John Ashcroft

In the unlikely event that Rummy can no longer fill his duties as Beast of the Year (such as doing something shockingly decent), John Ashcroft is ready to take over the crown. Rest assured the BOTY trophy is in good hands either way, as John Boy has been a prime beast himself. Indeed, he had taken his share of The Konformist 2002 Beast of the Year last year, and barely lost to Redrum in voting this year. This should be no surprise: having led the greatest attack on the US Constitution of any Attorney General in history, he has been a menace to basic American values since taking office in 2001. And while on the surface this is merely a "local" issue (although in "local" it refers to the most powerful nation in the world, and home of The Konformist editorial staff) the fact that the ideals espoused by men such as Thomas Jefferson and Tom Paine are revolutionary values cherished worldwide by any true rebels, his attack has worldwide implications as a potential shaper of things to come.


The Bronze:

Ann Coulter

If, on the unlikely event that both the Redrum and Aschroft can't fill their duties, Ann Coulter will no doubt do the job well. After all, with her deranged books and columns, she's basically doing their dirty work for them already.


In any case, we salute you all, Rummy, Aschcroft and Ann Coulter. Congratulations, and keep up the great work!!!

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