The Konformist

July 2001

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And he's back in:

Konformist Komix

Oh No! They've Killed Kirby!!

First off, now to make the big explanation: on July 4, 1999, Kirby the Konspiracy Boy was officially found dead in a Nevada motel, suspiciously near Area 51. It soon became a mystery as to who killed Kirby. There were many theories proposed, but now the truth can be told: Kirby, just like Elvis, Tupac, Hitler and John Dillinger, didn't actually die, but merely faked his death.

The reason? Back in 1999, Kirby had uncovered positive proof linking the Barry Seal - CIA drug smuggling operation with extra-terrestrials based out of Area 51 and the Denver International Airport. All of this, of course, thanks to the parents of Jon-Benet Ramsey and the Montauk Project, was tied to all the mass shooting which have happened in schools across the country.

This time, he had gone too far.

Fortunately for Kirby, Madeline Albright was in the room when the decision was made to whack him. As Albright had a secret crush on Kirby, she couldn't stand to see him die. So she contacted Kirby, and warned him: "Run, Kirby, run!!!"

Knowing the bind he was in, Kirby decided his best bet was to fake his death, which he did with the help of The Church of Subgenius, a pair of Konformist Konspiracy Girl babes, and Scott Rose, his trusted business assistant.

Evading both the diabolical Axl Rose and Michael Jackson (who were both triggered from their mind-kontrolled Manchurian Kandidate state to kill him), Kirby then went into hiding for two years on the same island where other famous people hide when they fake their death. (According to Kirby, Elvis is back in great shape, though Tupac has become a bit bloated.)

In any case, Kirby is now back from a two-year hiatus, with a brand new komic book. Not only that, he has a brand new enemy: Otto Crattick, the diabolical FBI chief of Konformist Kounty, the man who "investigated" his death for the feds and tried to hunt him down. Now that the heat is down, Kirby is back, but Otto wants revenge. Stay tuned!

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Kirby The Konspiracy Boy Says, "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!"